State of the Rebel Squadrons
April 1, 2008

I. The SotRS - A Stream of Consciousness
II. Fleet Blurbs
III. Closing Remarks


I. The SotRS - A Stream of Consciousness

Well. It's that time of month again; the time to write this newsletter to the entirety of the RS to give everyone a head's up on what's going on. Well, this month's going to be a little different. As some of you know, most of you probably know, and a few of you (those living under rocks) are unaware of: Today is my last day as Fleet Commander of the RS. Unfortunately, Real Life (That bane of all of our lives) has reared its ugly head and has decided to take me around back to beat classwork and work down my throat. Of course, even through this... I could not escape the beast that is writing the SotRS. So, to have a bit of fun, and mainly to satiate my desire to do something hilarious before I left, I've decided to just sit down and write. Write about my experiences as FC, about stuff that's been going on in the RS, and really to just throw everything out there and try to have some fun with it. And, since it's April First, we might as well jump right into it with topic #1...

I hate April Fools day. Yeah. You heard it, I hate today. I absolutely hate it, it's the stupidest day of the year aside from Valentine's Day (Which can also burn in a fire). Every year, inevitably, people pull some very creative pranks that are both hilarious and fun for everyone involved. These, I enjoy. They're fun in spirit, and usually are good for laughs all around; like last year's conversion of the RS main page to look as if we had merged with the Emperor's Hammer. A few memorable quotes from confused RSers can be found in the quotes database; and believe me... they're gold. I must have received no less than nine or ten E-mails from people going absolutely ballistic over us joining the EH, and that I was a 'godless heathen' (I particularly enjoyed that one). Youtube and Google are always good for some laughs as well, as are various other sites across the internet (This year, Starcraft II has released the 'Tauren Marine' as a unit, the videos are hilarious), and invariably they're all done for fun. Now, introduce the AFD, or April Fool's Dickhead, to the equation. The AFD is that ass who spends half a year plotting the 'greatest prank ever', and carries it out on April 1st, only to discover that, keeping true to his namesake, it was just a dickhead move. These pranks are usually done maliciously, or hurt the target to the sole benefit of the AFD. For instance:

AFD Prank 1: Telling your Girlfriend/Wife/Parents that you're being shipped overseas.

What the hell? Really? Are you that much of an AFD that you have to make your loved ones panic and worry for your health, well being, and LIFE only to get a cheap laugh? I mean seriously; who in their right mind would think that's funny. CNN had a similiar one today, with some guy telling his wife that he was being shipped to Korea for two years and that he couldn't take his family... then wondered why his wife started bawling. You stupid AFD! Of course she's going to cry! You're probably the one person she really loves in life and you're sitting there telling her that you aren't going to see her for two years? April Fools? Go jump into a fire.

AFD Prank 2: Forming an elaborate scheme with friends/family to try to convince someone that 'Uncle Ronny' or whomever, has died.

Bravo. Oh BRAVO. Congratulations. You've managed to be even MORE of an AFD than the guys up above. I've actually seen this one carried out... on an 8 year old. Everyone, at the conclusion, was laughing and carrying on as this little girl bawled her eyes out. Seriously? What the hell. That isn't an April Fool's prank, it's being a bunch of jerks to some 8 year old who is going to remember that moment for the rest of her life. People wonder why America's youth is screwed up; being complete and utter morons around your kids and pulling crap like this has GOT to be a factor in little johnny or sally growing up to be a deviant. Grow up.

AFD Prank 3: As 'that girl' (Everyone knows who she is, the smoking hot, only vaguely intelligent girl with a heart of ice who thinks she's the cream of the crop), asking 'that guy' (The nerd) out; only to crush his dreams later in the day later, lawl, April Fools!

You dirty... You see, what most of these girls don't realize is they're the target of 'the nerd's inner most desires, and most likely; if he had a shot, he'd treat her like gold... Much unlike the jerk/jock/idiot she's currently dating. People lead these poor guys on for the entire day, then smack them down. You do realize that nerds already have enough on their plates, right? They already are, usually, depressed, and/or don't see themselves in a high light and/or hate things because people constantly hurt them. So congratulations. You've made someone's life worse just so you could laugh with your prissy idiot friends. You know what? I'm going to laugh too when you're flipping burgers at McDonalds for the rest of your life and I'm designing RF communication systems for the military. Yeah, enjoy your $7.50 an hour, four illegitimate children, and cheap laugh. I'll be in the pool.

These are but a few examples of the crap that people pull today that cross the line from harmless fun into absolute dickheadness. It's really sad that people need to pull this stuff to get a cheap laugh at the expense of others and it really makes me feel bad when I hear stories about this kind of stuff. AUGH... I really hate April Fool's day, a handful of complete morons have ruined the day for me forever.

Speaking of things I hate... I hate writing the SotRS.

Yeah, I said it, I hate writing the SotRS, I've hated it since I started, and I'll likely hate it after I finish.

Writing the SotRS is an adventure in and of itself. Every month I have to compile data from every fleet, get blurbs from people, and deal with attempting to find notable people to promote... usually on the day that the SotRS is supposed to come out. Even knowing that this thing is coming out on the last day of the month (the first day this time!), I ALWAYS have people delay getting to me what I need to see until the day-of-writing. It's really freaking annoying! On top of that, I have to deal with, inevitably, people complaining that they didn't get promoted, or get a medal, or whatnot... OR the lovely message I get EVERY month:

"Remove me from this [Explicative Deleted]ing mailing list!"

...Remove yourself! The system removes you automatically if you're in no squadrons... and if you're in a squadron, you should read the SotRS! Besides, cursing to me isn't going to make me do jack. In fact, the last six times I've gotten these E-mails, I've completely ignored them. I have no patience for someone who goes up in arms immediately over a single E-mail sent every month. Speak to me civilly... or expect to continue getting the newsletter!

How about we make this easy. I could go on and on with how much I absolutely hate writing the SotRS and why, but I'm in the middle of writing one and I don't feel like being ironic any more than I have been. So, to make this easy:

Things I Hate About Being FC:

1. People Asking Me for Promotions - Doing this gets you immediately disqualified for a promotion for AT LEAST a month. I hate people asking me for promotions. It's not like I don't know what you're doing, or that someone else couldn't recommend you; I absolutely hate this crap. Don't ask me for a promotion, get someone to recommend you if I miss you. Otherwise, don't even MENTION them or I'll DQ you for an entire extra month.

2. The INSTANT barrage of PMs/IMs the second I log in - GIVE ME A MINUTE TO BREATHE. I login, and not twenty seconds later I have eight billion IMs from people asking me for stuff. Usually this also occurs when I login to check my mail between classes, I get 5-6 PMs/IMs, ignore them all because I'm in class or walking to class, and then close the windows. I log back in later when I'm actually home... and get the "U DID NOT DO WOT I ASKED U TO DO WHY!?!?" -- BECAUSE I HAVE STUFF TO DO ON TOP OF THE STUPID CRAP YOU ASK ME TO DO. Jeez.

3. On a related note - I hate when people preface their IMs with a 'Do you have a second?' IM. You just wasted the second that I was going to give you by prefacing your question. If you have a question, just freaking ask. Give me a minute or two after I login to breathe and get settled, then ask your question. Is that too much to ask? OBVIOUSLY IT IS.

It's not like I don't enjoy being FC, I do. I'm glad to help people out and give a helping hand... but really? Please realize that I have things I need to do as well; hell, it's a big part of why I'm resigning. I really don't ask for much, a minute to sit down after a long day, maybe an hour or two here and there to play games... but really, doing this stuff is like a full time job on top of full time school and a part time job. So please, just be understanding.

4. People getting promoted for no reason - I'm sorry, but personally I'm a stickler for promotions. You don't get one unless you deserve it, and TWICE I have seen promotions, RECENTLY, for people for just accepting a position... BEFORE they even DO anything. That's ludicrous. "Oh. You said you'd do something for me, here's a promotion!"... WHAT?! No. BAD. Promote someone AFTER they start doing something, or because they really impress you, not because they said they'd be your XO or CO of a unit or whatever. That's dumb, and it pisses people off... namely me.

5. People not taking the 2 seconds to be polite - 90% of the time when I do something, nobody takes the two seconds to say 'thank you'. I spend hours doing something, of my own damned time, and don't get so much as a 'thanks'... That's crap. People expect me to jump up in the air and proclaim their names when they do something yet can't turn around and toss me a 'thanks, man!'... BAH ON YOU. Some people are great at this, they say thanks, and that's all I really ask for... but quite a few just don't give a damn enough to toss the two-second-thank-you-recognition... Screw you guys.


Now, I say all of this for a reason, of course. Two, actually. One is selfish -- I've been putting up with this crap for months and didn't complain about it so I deserve a bit of a chance to vent. Deal with it... Two... I know the new FC, personally (He'll be announced at the end), and he won't put up with this crap... at all... You do this stuff to him? He'll tear you apart verbally and probably take things a bit too far... but hey; that's what he does. So... for your sake, I really hope if you do any of this stuff that you stop it... Now. Fair warning, and it all needed to be said.

I can't sit here and vent and vent and yell and complain all night, obviously; so let's transition (none-too-gently) into a different topic: Things that have been awesome as FC. I've explained most of these in prior SotRSes... so lets look at some of the more vague ones.

IronMan rules.

If you haven't met IM or don't know who IM is, do yourself a favor and either end it all right now or join #Zealot on IRC and hang around this guy. He exudes win from every orifice. Aside from being an instrument of hilarity, he has a sort of passive rage that permeates around him, poking through to expose itself at only the most perfect moments. If he and Kaz were to ever go at each other, the world would likely implode from the sheer awesomeness of the comments being hurled back and forth. The guy is a phenomenal writer, and is great to just sit down and talk with. He's managed to make me burst out laughing when I've been in the worst of moods, and just has this way of holding himself that says:

"Hey. I'm [Explicative Deleted]in' IronMan. Deal with it."

I love when Newbies actually try to do stuff; there's been a few of those recently. I mean, while sometimes they take things 800 steps too far, it's nice to see that people are still TRYING to make this place better from the lowest levels up to the highest in 'management'.

I love when the MoJ has stuff to do. I personally think the MoJ is awesome, they've gotta have some of the best jobs in the RS; they get to deal with all of the stupid crap that actually manages to get to their desks... and can eject people from the club, demote them, or otherwise publicly embarrass them. The MoJ needs to be used more often!

I love when Vaughan channels his inner Kaz. Enough said, it's hilarious to see this man explode.

I love when people challenge me to EaW matches and I whip them from here back to their mom's womb; it's great to see kiddies bragging about their 'mad skills', then you whip his ass without breaking a sweat. Man that's great.

I love when Sarriah curses, it's like getting a present every time. To fully understand why: Imagine a 14 year old's voice parading around going on and on about random stuff, then BAM, curses like a sailor, then goes back to being 14-year-old-girl-ish. Yeah. It's like that. Stop laughing, and read on.

I love when stuff actually works - Carl and Sconn can definitely relate to this when we've been caught in debate over something in the ABG. When stuff just happens to fit perfectly together, it's a great night.

I love when jerks and thieves get what's coming to them. That always makes me happy. Always.

Dave kicks ass too. This guy was great when he was FC and I was glad to be XO under him. He could:

A: Tolerate my explosive temper, which I unloaded on him a few times.
B: Figure crap out and deal with it relatively quickly.
C: Could actually slog through the billions of E-mails we fire around every day and take time to respond to each.
D: Had JUST enough of an 'asshole' in him to smack someone down when needed but not come off as such... except when he fired Cable. That bastard.

Freaking awesome. It was great serving under him as XO and I'm really glad he's stuck around after resigning, guy is great.

JOIN REDEMPTION, by the by. Remus says so. He's from The Redemption. He's their (ex) training officer (Max fired him :( ) and wants everyone to join. If you don't join, Jesse will frown. Josh, you'd better listen cause he's going to say it: Let the man do his job, and he respects you. Seriously, I kinda like this guy. I mean sure, he took what he was doing way too far (as stated earlier... I kinda like that) but like... he was trying. Kid is 15 and he's going out of his way to try to make The Redemption a better place.

Kudos to you, Remus, you rock.

Thank you Mister T. Really. We need to all sit down and thank Mister T. And Chuck Norris. We're all still alive. Just imagine if these two got pissed off at us; the universe as we know it would just explode into a fiery fire of fire. So thank you. (Excerpt added at the bequest of Kaz)

Random Transition:

Staying Alive, and Fett's Vette. I have had these two songs stuck in my head for OVER a week now; and have been playing them nearly non-stop since Fett's Vette was randomly blasted by one of my housemates. I've got nearly everyone at work hooked now as well, and intend to spread that love even further.

Speaking of spreading love. A certain zip file has now destroyed the minds of 37 people I know around campus. Bwhaha...

COTH, COFFE. (Thank you Damon)

DugongBot is the greatest thing to happen to the B&G in awhile. It has given us such classics as:

(DugongBot) "JOIN DUGONG!"
(DugongBot) I was actually hoping that Dugongson would dugong Kansas. Not very hard, but hoping anyways.
(DugongBot) it's good. I highly dugongcommend it.

DugongBot has very strong views on the Middle East as well.

(DugongBot) And created a haven for Islamic dugongrorists . . . who he thought were crazy dugongards

And on the FC election process:

(DugongBot) "Dugong gais, let's dugong on this. Five say yes, one says no, dugong people yet to vote" How is waiting for those two votes productive or worthwhile? :P

Personally, I'd say it's because they're dugongiculous.

(DugongBot) ...dugong, nice.

Precisely.

What the hell happened to RID's internal competitions, by the by? Those were awesome, it allowed all of us to play each other and go romping... and get cool crap on gamespy. Damn you people! Seriously. WTF RID? You were active and awesome and then became a smoking pile of bantha poodoo. I really hope Swifty can kick you int... lol. Moving on.

While delicious and moist, the cake is a lie.

But yeah, it's getting late, and I know the new FC wants to jump in my grave... so I should probably cut this a bit short and move on... So! Moving on!

II. Fleet Blurbs

Vigilance Starfighter Group - The VSG had a productive month, finishing up VSG 110 and winning Missions War X. Results for 110 will be released in the NL, and all three pilots who participated in the Missions War comp placed in the Top 10. Congrats to Heavy, Seeks, and Kirgs for bringing home victory for the 2nd month in a row! GO RS!

There. That's all I'm releasing at the moment. The NL will hopefully be out either Monday or Tuesday.


Patriot Starfighter Group - Another month has passed us by so quickly. The Patriots have completed their fourth mission of the GDF campaign. The trend of normalcy in our activity levels has continued. I believe this trend will continue to show itself in the next installation of our current campaign. Speaking of our current campaign, GDF 1.05 is almost ready to go; our mission builders are working diligently to get it finalized and work out all the kinks. Overall, another excellent month for an equally excellent fleet. It has truly been a privilege commanding such a wonderful group of individuals, and I look forward to the months to come. Rest assured, we will continue to fly, fight and win!


Vanguard Fleet- Vanguard is incredibly active with many members grouping together to tackle heroic enemies. Currently Anishor is spearheading a major reorganization of the guild to better match RPly with the RS main. There is much discussion about all this on the forums and in game. Now is a great time to be part of the Vanguard fleet. Imperial bases are being busted, crews are working via the underground to obtain much needed weaponry, and the space battles rage in various sectors.


Allegiance Battle Group (I conned someone into writing this for me, bwhaha) - The ABG is alive and kicking. Under the leadership of el Raveno, activity maintains its normal levels of generally high. We continue to have GMs who are willing to devote their time and energy into insuring that the fleet has an ample quantity of sims to participate in. Every month, Raven has managed to bust out at least one new item construction system that has added to the detailed and expansive rules system which we now enjoy.

We’ve had some ups and downs lately, as always, but the downs will be purged in vengeful hellfire and then swept away in the ongoing campaigns and otherwise good times the rest of us enjoy. Wordy? Yes. Pompous? A little. But damn it, we’ve been having fun for over seven years, and we’re still going strong.


Redemption Fleet - Well, it has been a pretty active last month or so. For starters, we bid farewell to Adhemar Voltin, as he goes on active duty in the Navy. As a result, I've moved BGN Markus Jarnhann into the RFXO position. Markus, for saving my behind a number of times and being a great help to me, has also been promoted from colonel to brigadier general. Also, Cyrel, the RIDCO, has been looking to resign his position for sometime. Maj. Swifty Chapple was appointed to take his position.

For the moment, Zealot has been as active as ever and getting new members every time I log onto IRC, or so it seems. I'll give the RID a little time to adapt to the new CO and everything else; however, I'd like to get things rolling with the RS Infantry Command and Charybdis Wings, as I'd hate to disband either of those two.

In other news, I have openings for the RFSO and the RFIO that I'd like to have filled. See my news blurb for more details.


III. Closing Remarks

Well, that's it for me. Any promotions/awards are gonna be done in private; else this thing would be so long that I'd never release it. Without further stalling, I'll just pick my rump off this chair and announce your new Fleet Commander: Fleet Admiral Kaz Falcion. Yes, it's Kaz. Kazzidy Kaz Kaz. Good luck, have fun, don't die, and good luck.

In all seriousness, it's been a pleasure serving as FC, and I hope you guys had a laugh reading this SotRS, and enjoyed it as much as I (actually) enjoyed writing it. I'll still be around, of course, serving in the ABG, but I'm happily yielding the big chair because... well... I don't have the time for it. Take care, and good luck!


-Vice Admiral Michael Raven